Suffering and Peace... and the stuff that lies between.

Been fighting the demons for awhile, so now I am much more aware. Used to run run run run far away. Easier than putting up shields and swords. Steady on the rock is harder than floating on the sand. I don't care what they say. The pains and fears have only opened my dirt covered eyes to the few things that ring true in this celestial ball/junkyard. When stars shine bright, there seems to be no care in the world. When the clouds cover them for days and weeks, we feel like we are missing something. Joy? Peace? The warmth of the sun? Yet, we don't know that it is the absence of something that makes us hidden in the dark. So we search and search and search and we find nothing. Sometimes we realize that the light is gone, but we still can't bring it back. So we study, and hope, and look to the sky until the day that the sun burns through the overcast and brings us the sweetness of life. Amen to all that is a particle of God. The universe is too vast for our understanding. sit down, shut up. A little pain never hurt anybody who never believed it was hurting them.

Let it be....again

I'm writing in red because I am serious. Seriously wanting something amazing to happen... soon. There are so many things that I should be doing right now in my life, that I seem to have lost focus for. I am hoping that my road trip adventure will take care of this drifting passion of mine. A little eye-opening, liberating, spirit-lifting journey never did anyone harm. I am growing weary in this city. I guess its because I have so many people here that I love so dearly, that don't seem to love themselves... and this puts pressure on me to be there for them, even when its not healthy for me. I get pulled down with everyone else so easily. That is one of my biggest flaws. I hope I can settle myself in this wretched town. Find the creative spirit that always seems to allude me while I'm here. A test of great strength. To be strong amongst a family who has chosen to be weak, this is the toughest thing I've ever tried to do. To be a light... that is my only goal.

O yea, Into The Wild is a great book. Completely on my frequency. Great reminder of who we all are inside.

"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest."

-Henry David Thoreau

After a long time.....

... I am finally writing again. I have been doing alot of journal writing, mostly poetry. I love poetry.

Anywayz, getting to the point of this blog. What is going on here? Okay, this is something that has been bugging me for awhile. I am pretty upset at where this world is going, especially considering the people that I care most about. So many of my friends and family members are being blindly ignorant and lacking in joy or passion. It is so depressing. Addiction, Hypocracy, Greed, Deceit, Self-Hatred.... it is like our souls are being bombarded by this disgusting crap that is ruining us. Why? Is it ever going to get better? I need to know if it is ever going to get better for them, for me, for us.....I guess Sufjan puts it best:

"Oh God, hold me now
Oh Lord, hold me now
There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head

Oh God, where are you now?
Oh Lord, say somehow
The devil is hard on my face again
The world is a hundred to one again

Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?"

This Book is Going to Rock My Socks Off!

I couldn't describe why I want to read this book so much in more words than: I would've written this myself if Jim Wallis never did. Here is why.....
Jim Wallis's Interview w/ Jon Stewart

Happy New Fears? Hell No!

I just watched one of the most beautiful movies I've seen in awhile. It hit me especially hard considering I've had alot of change in my life recently. The movie is about a couple from India who have two children after they move to America. The film shows not only the importance of remembering the core beginnings of your family and personalizing with that.... but also, the fact of life that nothing ever stays the same. Sometimes things change in a bad way, but we always have a new bright future with every turn we take. I take this into mind as I journey through mine. Life is in the journey, not the destination. We will never be satisfied until we learn to have joy with each passing day, even the days that seem sadly different. Life can be wonderful and exciting even in the most meloncholy, boring stages. Let us not take advantage of one moment, or they will pass us by far too quickly. Live without borders, with the eyes and heart open, and with the hands reached out to the sky. We are formed by our past and our present, not by our future. Breathe Deeply.

O yea, The movie has a great love story. I realllly want to read the book now!

The Peril of Christmas

I remember something. This something I have thought about many times in the past year, but I have been reminded (thank God).....
What is success? Success to the human race seems to be a qualification in which no one can completely achieve. Why is this? Especially in this society, we are pressured to be 'good' citizens with jobs, families, an education, or at least something to show for ourselves. Than if we strive so hard to be successful, why are most of us so unhappy? Its seems most of us don't know, or forget, or are completely oblivious of what it means to be successful. Most of the world has a performance-based society .... one must be a certain way, act a certain way, do certain things to be a 'picture of success'. But, in my experience and my beliefs, this is all wrong! NO, you will not find true happiness through your job, your schooling, your house, your possessions, your friends, your spouse, your children, your family, your dog, etc. Because, true happiness isn't about being content - you will never be completely content with your life. GET OVER IT. Even if you think you are, there are always things about yourself or your life that you don't like so much. And you know what? That is normal. We are humans. We screw up. The world isn't perfect, or even close to. So the question is: How do we live in peace without being oblivious? Well, you'll never be in peace if you are being ignorant . So you only have one option - to overcome the world with your own joy. Yes, I said JOY. wooooo scary word ain't it? But, Joy has taken me through some tough times and help me rise above things. That is because Joy is the spirit that rises out of Love .... and Love is the most powerful spirit that you will ever encounter. Real Love is complete and unchanging. Many people don't know this Love, or they have left it behind. But I believe even more than ever that God = Love. I know it sounds cheesy, but I've seen what He can do. So this Christmas, imagine if you didn't have "success" to worry about- No possessions, no family, no job, no home.... because alot of people don't have that to look forward to. Yet, does that make them any less successful in God's eyes? Imagine when you walk down the street that everyone is God (or Jesus if your prefer), because in my eyes God lives in all of us. When we give love to others, we give back to the Creator. Don't limit this to your family or friends.... reach out to strangers, too. A simple smile is perfect in so many ways. And who knows, maybe they will have something to give to you, too.

"To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
-Mark 12:33

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you."
-Luke 27-31

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

- 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

Oh, Zephyr (poem)

I miss you Oh, Zephyr
You race through my mind,
You come and you go and
you leave me behind.

If I was a Zephyr,
I'd fly through the sky,
I'd be cool and I'd be quick,
and I'd soar oh so high.

I'd touch the souls of many,
with my swift and airy hand.
I'd go where my heart went
'cross the sea and the land.

Oh Zephyr, Oh Zephyr
you race through my mind,
you bring me sweet memories
of the things I left behind.


I miss California..... The people, the trees, the ocean, and the spirit of the Zephyr.